Waiting for Worthy

I drove out to our place, again, to meet with God and give thanks. This is the spot where I encountered God’s hand gently rolling the patiently waiting wheat while He blew the clouds across the brightly shining, setting sun. The wheat fields danced and clapped together in worship. My heart was in awe as I parked the car in the field, next to the empty green tractor. God’s plan to drastically change our lives was here, amongst the waving wheat.

It was late June 2015 when I fastened the children up with my Bible in hand and drove away, desperately needing direction and a conversation with my Maker. God was the only one who knew our secrets and what my children and I were going through as He was leaving, yet again, erratically shoving everything he could into his car, heading out for the last time in our marriage, to choose homelessness. His mental instability and illness tried to warrant me, as the reason, but this time, I knew better. I was not going to play victim or robber. I knew this was happening because this person chose himself over help and over his own family, again. The years and months that led up to our escape from his imprisoned mind were God pulling us out. I was told by people who claimed they loved us, “This is normal, and I should work hard to fix it,” but God tugged at my heart and showed me through His unconditional love that this was not love, and I was not responsible for fixing him. This was God’s. Our reality has proven that generational curses do still exist. I chose to break free from it. 

I prayed the entire drive. Tears flooded my eyes, and my nerves shook through my fingertips, steering the wheel to a back Arkansas country road. The path was unfamiliar, but the scenes were breathtaking. I honestly believed we were lost, much like my heart, but the car and my trembling hands led us to the golden field side. This is where we stopped, and my eyes gazed through tears at God’s marvelous works. The wheat field had caught my attention and grasped every heart string within me, pulling me over and turning off the ignition. I glanced over to my bible lying in the passenger’s seat and sighed as I rolled the windows down and listened. The only sounds were my children’s breath and the wheat crackling in the wind. 

It was at that moment that I felt God ushering us to step out of the car and sit down here. I grabbed my bible and unfastened the children. We stepped out into the calm breeze with tear-stained cheeks and somber hearts. It was by the thick of the wheat on the dusty dirt, with my kids at my waist, where I somberly wept and became free. I begged. I urgently cried out for deep understanding. I looked up to the sky, and there God was, looking down as I clutched my children’s hands with my bible in my lap. The wheat was patiently waiting for the farmer. The farmer was waiting patiently for God. I was only waiting. I opened the Bible and read from the Book of James out loud to the kids. “Be patient until the Lord comes. See how the farmer waits for the harvest and is patient with it until it receives the early and late rains. So we must be patient.” James 5:7-8 

Tears fell from my eyes, landing onto the pages and in the dirt. Patience and peace are exactly what my heart needed in our most desperate season of life.  

This is the place I come to in the seasons of waiting, while the wheat is patient, at the end of the road and the end of the curse that tried to take my children and me. My tears and heartache have fed the soil here, and still do. “Those who sow in tears will reap with joyful shouts. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them”. Psalm 126:5-6 (NIV)  Here is where God rescued my children and me from difficult times, on another backcountry road. This is how God brought me back to Himself and into His Promised Word. I express my gratitude, as a personal reminder of His great rescuing love, His enduring patience, and my need for Him. Here, I am thankful for the valuable lifesaving lessons He taught me through His creation and His Word, which drew us away from what harmed us. He welcomed us into a promised future among the wheat, clapping in the wind, worshipping patiently for harvest. 

Waiting for Worthy

Sheri Griffin